No, I have realised its what comes after that has more impact. The getting used to it.
I am someone who, having been a bit lacking in the self esteem resources, has always associated 'who I am' with 'what I do'. I would described myself as an idle workaholic. A what? Well, I love sleep, I can't get enough of it, my natural day runs from about 10am to about 1 am. Which means that I am perennially late for work, and ALWAYS working late. When I worked in theatre I was pretty much like everyone else (an 'early' meeting was 10:30) and I never really noticed it.
In the office before I moved here I stood out a bit like a sore thumb with my regular half 9 starts and 7 pm finishes, and if it wasn't for such understanding management (and the invention of a flexi sheet) I would have been verbally warned pretty much every week. 3 strikes and you're out would have rendered me jobless before a month was out.
Anyway - I digress. These days I work for myself. Which means that my daily routine consists of precisely what is natural - wake up about half 9, breakfast at 10. Check emails, wash up, bit of housework, walk the dog, lunch. Off to the studio, work. 6:30 (after the Truro rush hour - where DO all these people live down here - in hedges?) drive home (via supermarket sometimes) Pretty much ALL accomplished to the soundtrack of Radio 4. Light the fire and work some more, maybe.
I used to loathe spending time on my own - the very thought of it rendered me a wobbly wreck - but these days after quite a lot of therapy apart from anything else, I know how to deal with it. Which is just as well as I spend most of my time alone. It gives you a great deal of time to think - something which, not just once, have I been accused of doing too much of. And I have found, over the last two weeks, that having this space has been at once a scary and wonderful thing.
It occurs to me that I have finally understood what holidays are for.... only this isn't holiday this is my life! I am a bit stressed by the lack of stress. I am surprised by how 'un-worried' I am about things.
Lonely, yes. Worried - not really. Anyone that knows me will probably have laughed out loud at that last sentence. I am not even worried about my loneliness - knowing that it's par for the course when you relocate.
Anyway - as always I learn much from the wise Shaman-ess that is our daft dog - Tilly, who is the one living creature I do have daily chat with (apart from the Mr of course!) Husband and I, it seems, are both feeling a bit vulnerable, churned up, lonely. So -This weekend we embraced the changes and went on a mini adventure. What does one do on a Sunday when one lives in the Duchy? Why, my dear, one goes to the beach! Being who we are of course it wasn't just any old beach - it was the furthest most Westerly beach and being Cornwall it was wild and rugged and utterly breathtaking.
We started to find each-other again me and him, after the tumult of the last ? months - year? (I realise as I write this the last 12 months has brought us 4 out of the 5 aforementioned stressful events) And then - a little moment of magic as Tilly's genetic code resonated with that of another canine beach companion - equally looney and energetic as she. It was amazing - a totally different relationship between them than that she has with any other non breed related dog on the daily walk. They knew each other and hilariously they didn't know why - so they just ran and ran and played and boxed and barked and ran some more.
Well what did this idle-workaholic-queen-of-procrastination-over-analytical-creative-in-Cornwall take from that?
Stop thinking, start walking, and sooner or later you'll run into a kindred spirit - it's happened before, it will happen again! After all it is said that apparently at least 50% of the population of Cornwall has emigrated here from 'upcountry' - just like us - so there's got to be some genetic code resonation to be had somewhere in this incredible place.